Charcoal on pastel paper
What a month it has been. On Feb. 8th, there was a fire in the apartment 2 doors down from my mother's. She was hurrying to put on a robe to evacuate when she fell, hit her head and knocked herself out. She had bleeding on the brain and broke 3 bones in her wrist (dom. hand). Thank God she didn't need surgery. I have been scurrying around trying to get her into assisted living, fill out paper work for aid and attendance benefits, keep up with her doctors, spend time with her, and I was advised to set up a burial trust for her. Sobering thought. Exhaustion has draped it's cloak over me and I can do nothing but surrender. I - am - tired.
The other night I got a call that she was having trouble breathing...off to the ER, now she has pneumonia. An 84 year lady with one lung has pneumonia. I visited her today, she is so confused she doesn't know where she is. She told me she wants to die. She doesn't want to live, this is no way to live. My eyes filled up with tears. I didn't want her to see me cry, but maybe I should have.
She has given up, there is just no fight left in her. She's ready to go. I cried all the way home.
The drawing was done in 1996.
The photo I used was taken
when she was in the sanitarium
after having a lung removed from TB.
She was only 19.
I covered the paper with charcoal
erased a grid
placed a grid printed on a transparency over the photo
and went at it.
grid by grid, erasing and drawing,
I love the sound of charcoal on paper.
It was her Christmas present.