Tuesday, December 9, 2008
It's more tiring to avoid than to do
Filled with emotion that I am just not sure what to do with. My modus operandi is to eat, but it's not working for me anymore, well, it works but.....I need to do something more constructive, than destructive. I can't live in denial and avoidance anymore. Paul and I drove my mom to Adams (it's about a 2 and a quarter hour drive) to visit my dad (they've been divorced since the late 70's---and are friendly toward one another) and his sister and her husband. I was apprehensive about the trip. I love my mother, but for whatever reason, she loves to control with guilt trips. The trip went well...thankfully, the visits were cut short due to snow moving through the area. I am glad my mom and dad got to see each other, probably for the last time. My mother's remaining lung is starting to shut down. My dad has prostate cancer, and I saw a huge lump on the side of his neck. He's an ornery ol' cuss. As much as they drive me crazy, I will miss them terribly when they are gone. Waves of emotion sweep over me and I just don't know how to express them. I am excited and just a little scared to move forward. It's much easier and much more comforatble to stay with the statue quo than to change. Stepping out of your comfort zone is pretty unnerving. It's time. I feel something urging me to move ahead.