I've been waking up in the middle of the night--my mind races.
I think about my aging parents, the brevity of life. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life? My nearly 50 year old body has aches here and there..... I have a tender spot on my breast that I'm getting checked out this afternoon. My gut is in knots. My mom is moving this weekend. I work full-time. My head is starting to spin again. Do you feel like that? Like your time is spread so thin that you don't feel like you're doing anything. The thought keep coming fast and furious and you just can't turn your mind off....or hit the pause button.....
Lately when I try to do art, I'm stuck (again). What do I have to say?
I look around my studio and look around at all the books, magazines, art supplies that I HAD to have. Those very things that I thought would be "a piece of the puzzle" have now become a burden. What should I use... the zillions of pencils, pastels--both oil and soft, charcoal, acrylics, watercolors, plaster, casein, mica, beads, wire, foil, papermaking supplies, paper casting, calligraphy supplies (oy vay)..... I'm suffocating in my art supplies. What I thought was going to be a help is actually hindering. Too many choices.... I can't breathe so I turn around and leave my studio. What the? I've decided it's time to thin the herd. Books and magazines I haven't cracked open in a while are going away. The art supplies I haven't used in a while...are going away......have I said this before?....didn't I just do this? Maybe this is all part the process of focusing my attention...narrowing my interests. I admire artists that find their medium and style and you know right away who did it. Once at an art fair someone came into my booth and asked how many artists work was hanging there.(!) I knew then I was in a bit of trouble. There are so many things I like experimenting with, but haven't settled on anything that's really me.
Maybe that's what this inner turmoil is all about.